| (no subject) |
[Apr. 28th, 2008|03:21 pm] |
finally, i am starting to feel things level out. i don't feel like i'm in a constant uphill climb. it hasn't been all bad though. i have really found myself amidst this mess...well, i have come to remember who i truly am and why i am who i am. i give to others because i want to--compassion is a gift, not a request for reciprocation. if you are giving it in expectation, prepare only to be disappointed.
i'm 22 and i've planned and arranged a funeral...there's something i never thought i'd say. i'm glad i'm through saturday. i'm really thankful for some much needed quality time with some friends lately.
i'm glad i am who i am, and even more so, i'm glad i have the strength to be the person i know i am. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 14th, 2008|08:30 pm] |
i have to meet with the dean of student affairs tomorrow....
....i have a feeling this is not going to end well... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2008|11:03 am] |
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i have no idea what to do for some of this. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2008|10:17 pm] |
update:
good news:
both stable.
j on and off the vent.
bad news:
still awaiting diagnosis.
not sure why the lack of response to antibiotics.
me:
on spring break, just sleeping a lot.
lots of headaches lately.
trying to keep from being super stressed. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 19th, 2008|12:48 pm] |
status update:
things are still up in the air. i feel as though we're in a holding pattern right now. it is just one day at a time. so i guess we just have to wait and see. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2008|07:07 pm] |
long story short:
-mom and jonathan both in the hospital
-she's relatively stable
-he's in ICU sedated and on life support
-mal, em, and i....well we'll see how we are as time passes.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 4th, 2008|12:45 am] |
i feel like i am just constantly cranky and in a bad mood.
somehow i need to turn this frown upside down. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2008|04:49 pm] |
i have been contemplating posting for awhile, but without having any sort of direction for a profound posting i have found myself simply saying nothing. i hate wasting other people's time with the mundane day to day happenings in my life, but i suppose it is a collection of these trivial moments that amount to make me who i am.
i have been super contemplative lately. everything in my life seems to be shifting--either falling apart or cosmically coming together as nothing short of a miracle. i am ready for a change, and i feel like i'm missing it. the shift is so slow that i don't see it, and one day, i am just going to wake up and wonder how i got to be where i am.
it was another weekend at home (these seem to be far more frequent than they used to be). i saw my doc, with nothing really satisfactory to relate--an upped dosage of one med and the addition of another. the core meeting on saturday went well, and it is was nice to catch up with my little kimboface. oh how i love that girl. then, i got a haircut...which is something i always tend to enjoy. today, i had lunch with the step-sis. sigh. life is changing.
...my hair smells like his bed and it isn't very strong but every so often if i move just right i can smell him..... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 4th, 2008|08:37 pm] |
it is friday night. the pistons just won their 11th in a row by defeating the raptors. i am still in michigan. class started yesterday, and i was going to head back to chicago on wednesday. then, i realized that i only had one class on thursday, and well, i don't take friday classes, so i skipped the one class and have been hanging around at home the past couple of days.
break seems like it has been dragging on forever, but it has only been the past couple of days that i've actually gotten to slow down. i spent most of my time off in chicago, which was nice, but there was much working involved. it is awesome though because i got a lot done for this summer. christmas was interesting....as it always seems to be. the few days prior were spent in a tizzy painting the backdrop. then, came the gathering. it was a good time, though overwhelming at times. i missed out on camp new years, which turned out to be good news because dan's kids got everyone sick (the kind of sick where you are just puking all the time)....so i'm glad to have missed out on that. i spent some time hanging out with rob and andy, which was as amusing as ever. now, here i am...laying low at home. tomorrow it is back to the grind.
the new year looks to have good things in store. |
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| "leave the light on, i'll never give up on you" |
[Dec. 23rd, 2007|10:55 pm] |
oh john mayer....it is a beautiful tragedy the way you force me to remember. does life ever really move on? does it ever really go full circle? i wish things would either change or go back to what they were. right now, i just feel caught somewhere inbetween. (the better part is the way that you seem to not be trapped in this liminal state.)
i've been painting a ton the past few days. it is crappy painting though....i'm finishing a 12'x20' backdrop for gathering, and it is just wearing me out. there are a lot of things i would rather be doing with this time.
really, i just want to go back to chicago. i'm not really happy at all right now. christmas is only a bad reminder. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2007|11:02 am] |
...there's nothing quite like waking up and knowing full well you'll be paying for the night before all day long...
last night was a good night though. highlights include, but are not limited to:
-jackie's blow job inability
-random guy calling megan eighteen times telling her to meet him out front to go get a burrito
-texting tony and giving him shit for not being able to keep up with the girls, and him knowing it is true
-my friends getting to see a little of why my life is the shit show that it is
-the guy in the booth behind us at hollywood grill spilling his water all over himself within 2 minutes of sitting down
-same said individual turning around to ask if we think he is attractive
-giving a wet willy to same said individual sitting in the booth behind me that i do not know at all
-4 stop cab rides
-arguing with the cabbie who refused to drive down the alley
-just spending a night out with the girls
it is going to be a looooong drive home to michigan today, but it is ok because that was the best night in awhile. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 11th, 2007|07:10 am] |
it is almost 7:30, and i haven't gone to bed yet....
....i'm not sure what to think. needless to say, it was a crazy night. i'm not really tired. i don't really want to get back into this cycle. it happened earlier this quarter--just periods of a few days where i couldn't really sleep. ...and worse being that my eating schedule got all screwy too. i am not sure why it happens. sigh. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2007|03:12 am] |
so what do you do when you realize you've simply become the booty call?
do you take joy in this seemingly blissful position of little obligation or are you devastated by the new found lack of potential? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 27th, 2007|01:22 am] |
i'm finishing my last paper, which is actually a research proposal. it was supposed to be due a week ago, but our professor was 'nice' and gave us an extension. i would have rather knuckled done and gotten it done and not have had it hanging over my head because i didn't do much work over the holiday. 'twas a good weekend though. a nice break from life.
i have decided that i am an awesome gift shopper. my dad has always told me that i'm a generous person, but i think about gifts to the point of agonizing. i hate just walking into a store and picking something off a shelf that has no significance. 'he/she will like it' is not nearly a good enough reason for me. i have this eye for the obscure so i like to get original gifts that really speak to people's personalities. (ex. a signed afi poster i got for rob a little while ago.) i'm still contemplating what to get for my sisters this year. i've got dad done and most of the friend gifts. i guess i'm an early shopper, but it is because i love getting people gifts. i just think it is a really fun hunt.
on the flip side, i am getting some AWESOME books for christmas. i picked out two HUGE art reference books that linda bought for me this weekend one about anatomy for the artist and the other on impressionism, and dad got me this kick ass dinosaur book. i could never have enough books. when i finally get a house, i want a wall of books in my office. though, i do have quite the collection going now. in fact, i probably need to take some books home as i just have too many in my apartment. they are stacked all crazy because there isn't really room on my shelves (and i have a LOT of shelf room). they make me happy though.
i think im going to state next week....anyone there that wants to see me/will have the time....drop me a message....i miss you all.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2007|03:17 pm] |
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how do you understand the boy who calls you beautiful when he seems to want nothing to do with you? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2007|01:53 am] |
i'm figuring out what to buy for people for christmas...
...and what could i ever give to someone who means the world to me that would even begin to convey my appreciation and joy for having them in my life?
hopefully i shall figure it out soon. |
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| good thing i'm bored |
[Nov. 10th, 2007|07:13 pm] |
1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT Ring?
yup.
2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
long enough. :/
3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
a triceratops
4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
ha. all the time.
5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?
umm a couple days ago
6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
coffee/tea, gas, other people
7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
eggies
8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
smell and smile
9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?
don't really have one right now
10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
chicago, new era, farmington
11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
fhs
12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
verizon
13. FAVORITE MALL STORE:
i dont go to the mall that often really...
14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD:
working for farmington/farmington hills youth and family services for four years
15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
i dont know that i do any more....do dirty dice count?
16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?:
haha sometimes my work....mudd loves it....
17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED:
my twin! <3
18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:
my uncle dan....i'd owe him a car.....then brett.....i'd owe him a car too.....
19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND:
today
20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:
taco bell or maybe subway
21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD:
haha its from grubs....just cuz it was HILARIOUS....i won't incriminate him, but those were some damn good times!
23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
clarkes maybe....
24. CAN YOU COOK?
yeah
25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?:
any one of 4, but mostly i don't drive nowadays
26. BEST KISSER:
.....hands down.
27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
what makes you think i'm not crying right now? (really, i don't know)
28. MOST DISLIKED FOODS:
peanut butter, beets....that's all that comes to mind
29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
dedication, compassion, correspondence
30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
inconsistency
32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?:
3 months straight. ha! (not counting camp, i think 16 or 18)
33. FAVORITE MOVIE?
boondock saints. notting hill.
34. CAN YOU SING?
meh
35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?
bright eyes
36. LAST KISS?
recent enough to not want to incriminate myself
37. LAST MOVIE RENTED:
well i had to rent glory for em, but for me....knocked up, i think
38.ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:
keys, phone, upass, ipod....ok so that's 4
39. FAVORITE vacation spot:
cinnamon bay or leland
43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:
both
44. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?:
stephen. demetri. mitch. dane.
45. DO YOU SMOKE?
nope, its bad for the running
46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
ummm does this mean sleep wearing clothes or do i sleep with clothes? haha i probaby do a little of both
47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?:
every night? me.
48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?:
they can
49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?
while i'm driving once, but i've been in the car a bunch of times with other people
50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
french toast...unless they are banana pancakes....
51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?:
i do
52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
scrambled...in a tupperware....to go.....on the way to school.....
53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?:
no, but i do enjoy reading it now and again...so maybe i do a little?
54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?:
dad
55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:
phyllis
56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?:
"another time perhaps? thanks the weekend was great."
58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?:
ha. i have a ton, but they really just fill the crack between the bed and the wall
59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?:
sockies. nike pants. depaul shorts. underoos. beater. element t.
60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC:
i'm too much of an angel. i'm too much of a saint though i can't be. i'm too much of a reject; you don't expect much from. i wanna feel safe. i wanna feel like i'm not hated too. i wanna get closer; i wanna feel the most i get from you. i'm too much of a rebound. i'm too much on the ground though you can't be. you're always getting higher. you don't desire me. so what have i got to prove? and what have i got to lose?
61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?:
i have never had a pb&j in my life.
62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?:
i'm alright when i can focus long enough.
63. CAN YOU SWIM?
yes.
64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?:
sherbert of the orange or green variety
65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?
i love the newberry library
66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF:
sometimes i'm super paranoid.
68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY:
yes
69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON:
fall
70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
haha all day
71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ?
9ish
72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?:
scarves. fires.
73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?:
TODAY! :) just for parking though....silly michigan state
75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?:
murphy
76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?:
they're cool, but sometimes overdone
77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND??
coffee dates and school papers. birthday dinner and who knows.
78. BIRTHDATE:
november first
79. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:
myself
85. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:
you bet
87. ARE YOU SMILING?:
maybe a little....its residual from earlier
89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW:
yes
90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?:
africa
92. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?:
no
93. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?:
maybe
94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?
i dont know......
95. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?:
i have a bunch of them.....the newest is white with red and orange flowers
96. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:
no
97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?:
i guess....i took a week off to be in michigan, so that was kind of vacay.
98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?:
no
99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?
two and three practically step-sisters
100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?:
that's all relative, i'm upstairs to downstairs, but to downstairs, i'm upstairs.
101. ARE YOU IN LOVE?:
always
102. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
haha oh yes.
103. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?
always
104. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
watch. steel band. my rings. 2 hair ties.
105. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
read the macys ad |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2007|01:33 am] |
"...it would seem that all works of art are in any case conceptual willy-nilly and there is, therefore, no battle to be joined between conceptualists and the rest."
those of you that know me, and know me well, will understand.
...the joys of researching....
:) |
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| to people complaining about their work loads... |
[Nov. 8th, 2007|12:50 am] |
i have busted my ass this quarter. i don't think i have ever done this much work...for any class/quarter/semester. my logic was that if i worked really hard that i wouldn't find myself having to bust ass as much at the end. well, that's a lie.
so tonight, i'm banging out a 10 page research paper. then in the next week, i have a 15 pg reasearch proposal and a 3 page content analysis (both single spaced), a 10 page theories paper, a 7 page film analysis, and 2 paintings due. not to mention i have a written in class final in there somewhere.
that is a lot of work, i think. i am not very good at being scholarly, so this is going to be a painful week for me. i have been averaging at least 3-4 papers a week. (note: a large part of my original logic for being an art major--not having to read/write papers.) so here i am, at the 24 hour starbucks once again, not really because i need the caffeine (i am drinking tea), but more so, if i work at home, the recliner and tv win out over the research. at least, i am feeling productive. i will just be happy to get this paper behind me. it is all about taking it one step at a time, right?
everyone keeps trying to use the logic that soon enough we will have 6 weeks off. well, i was informed that i need to use that time to make a lot of head way on my thesis work. sigh. oh well. i really do enjoy school, and i finally have a concrete idea of what i am going to do for my thesis, so i am SUPER excited! i know that is really nerdy, but i'm pumped.
pistons/bulls game tomorrow! woot! |
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| remember, remember the fifth of november |
[Nov. 5th, 2007|05:57 pm] |
perhaps it is just the scorpio in me, but i do love november. the sound of the month brings a smile to my face and gives me that warm feeling that cannot be feigned. the city brings a challenge to this love affair as the rendezvous becomes more complicated without the trees to lure me in their blur of change, and the wind does not pick up the sweet sent of chlorophyll fading away with the lit hours.
there is a change coming about. don't you worry. it will make itself known.
"But on this most auspicious of nights, permit me then, in lieu of the more commonplace sobriquet, to suggest the character of this dramatis persona. Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V." |
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